Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
