dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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