i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
