I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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