Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
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She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
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I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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