someone owes me an orgasm
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
