I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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