The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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