TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
