just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
