I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My pussy is not your playground.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Drake has all the answers
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
