Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
