You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
