Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
