So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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