i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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