i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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