im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize