I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
