i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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