it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
