..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
