My first STD was from a foam party
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just gargled with NyQuil
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
