So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
