I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
