You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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