I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
