The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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