Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Is it because I queefed?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
