This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
