Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
