I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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