Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
