dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
