He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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