Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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