i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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