it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
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It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
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I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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