I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
