Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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