She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
