please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
