if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
