I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
it's like iHOP with fire
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
