I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
