I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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