i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
