Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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