I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
