Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
