i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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