Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
