Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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