my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
