the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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