I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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