I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
