someone owes me an orgasm
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
