With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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