Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
