So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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