I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
