Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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