Rock
Scissors
Fuck
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
