small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
