I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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