That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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