i wish starbucks made bloody marys
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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