take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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