Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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