I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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