Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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